ARG
k, blogger ate my post and im frustrated so I am going to quickley put down my thoughts and important events for the day in list form.
1. Got into Boston. Am very excited. no longer have to leave the country to go to a liberal school.
2. am frustrated with filling out scholerships. is boring.
3. got the fall out boy CD. it kicks a lot of ass. love it a lot.
4. school today was blow off. except calc. test will be evil. beware.
5. discovered unofficial bagal club of school after school today at einsteins. enjoyed it. jill wins gold star for introducing me to this piece of genius.
6. have to pick up more scholarship apps tomorrow. mom is beginning to bug me about this a lot. is getting stressful.
7. AP exams coming up. need to study. calc is first. will die.
8. don't want to read frankenstein.
9. am unprepared for UIL comp on saturday.
10. will spend this entire weekend reading frankenstein and doing questions and studying for calc on mon.
11. don't care because BOSTON BABY!!!
12. 106 days till warped tour. fall out boy will be there. am so psyched. me new fav song is "Grand Theft Autumn (Where is Your Boy). reminds me of the fashion show where taylor hatfield and i sang that song over and over while we were waiting to go on.good times.
13. 107 days till tring, and meeting fran and seeing london and the producers and stratford and maybe some cool concerts
14.
where is your boy tonight? i hope he is a gentleman and maybe he won't find out what i know: you were the last good thing about this part of town....DUH NE NUH DUT!!!!!!
15. I love fall out boy. its for lovers. i want the t-shirt.
16. BOSTON BABY!!!!!
Boston Baby!
So yeah, most definately got my BOSTON acceptance letter today. Score! I am so stoked for this school. I am probably most definately going there. Unless something drastic happens. But otherwise, yeah. I AM SO EXCITED!!!
so yeah that made my day. and i've been drowning in scholership apps all night. ugh. so many. most aren't too bad but there's a lot. and my moms's like oh here's another one and another one and do this one and do that one and why didn't you do this one and blah blah blah. I know i need the financial help. But there's only so many scholerships I can apply for. and not go crazy doing it.
got the fall out boy CD. im rocking out to it right now. it kicks so much ass. my fav. song is most definately "Grand Theft Autumn (Where is Your Boy)"...so amazing. I have the acoustic version on my Atticus III CD...pretty cool as well.
and only 106 days till WARPED TOUR!!! that means 107 days till TRING!!! score. im excited. and fall out boy is gonna be at warped tour. ahh yes. i wanna go so bad. anyone who's interested should come with us, we've got a lovely group together so far. gonna be awesome.
picked up my senior pic "drafts" today...they turned out pretty good. a few bad apples, but thats to be expected. then i met jill at einstein bros...apparently there's like this unoffiical bagal club that meets there every thurs after school. mark knowles, comartin, sarah frye, jill, some other humanities and debate people, and some people from my french class, pretty cool group of kids. i think i'll try and go next week too. i liked.
ugh. OC was a rerun this week. so i skipped it and took a lovely and luxurious shower (so amazing) and then back to stupid scholarships. bleh. but its all good cus BOSTON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WARPED TOUR!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bored again. no homework. that i'm gonna do anyway. no calc bc its confusing. no physics bc we have none. no government because i don't wanna. i;ll probably read it during lunch tomorrow. had interact today. so much fun. jill and i were tag teaming and making everyone laugh and stephanie mad. and ms eyer at one point got agravated because we were making party suggestions and that therefore made the meeting longer. she was shunning our participation because she wanted to go home. that's not the interact spirit, danr it! and stephanie brought the graph thing that looks like a penis and was trying to put the attachment on it but of course couldn't get it to stay on (or since it was an attachment to the top, couldn't get it to stay up...which of course jill and i went to town on)..ahh it was hilarious. and i think jill will end up being the sr rep for next year. yay. what better person to fill my old position? even ms eyer agreed that jill would be my perfect replacement next year...and she finally finished my satire and said it was fabulous. and mrs. eyer like it, but im not sure how much was her liking and how much was because she had just had some very strong tiramasu...but i think she can hold her liquor so i think she liked. and so did jill...enough to let her entire history class read it...i was walking down the hall and someone was talking about it andthey had it in their hand and they were reading it and telling their friends about it. and i was like umm yeah thats mine and i don't know you. so that was wierd. and with the exception of a test and quiz in english, school was blow off. did some scholarship stuff this afternoon. have to finish that tomorrow and pick up my senior pics.should probably put more effort into these things but people like jef, stephanie, mary, grace, and kristin are all applying for them too. this sucks. damn smart people.and im bored. but so excited...because WARPED TOUR!!!!! its june 24 this year, right before tring. so far i know 3 people who i can probably go with (mary grace and david) or at least who are interedted in going. so yay. and i founf out that there will be 2 cool concerts in london while we're there.Funeral for a Friend (not bad, they're on Atticus III) and ANTI-FLAG....omfg my favorite band ever. i want to see them so bad but they're only touring europe this year. and they'll be ing London on JUNE 29...i'll have to e-mail fran and suggest it if she likes that type of music..if not then i'll just have to rock out to their CDs and wait for their US tour next year. sigh. also, i don't know what we're doing that day. i know we tour london during the day and see the producers but i think we see a matinee, so maybe that night?? i dunno. pam and heath and ld i'm dragging you along if fran wants to go. because anti flag is awesome.i love them so much, those crazy political bastards. ahhh....so its late..sort of. kind of tired. don't wanna go to school tomorrow. want to go to sleep and wake up at graduation. and then relax and say BAH to learning for the time being. or at least bah to boring learning. like frankenstein. or french. or confusing and boring calculus stuff but not the fun interesting stuff, or physics i just want to go to school and go to english starting next thursday (yay for waiting for godot!) and government (so much fun and no stress except for the occasional learning, whats up with that?) i've realized its been awhile since i've had a deep and meaningful blog. i've been in la la land for awhile. and i have senioritis. and i want to get the hell out of here! i am bored with waiting. bored. bored. bored. A.D.D. makes southlake like ten thousand billion times worse. i am so surprised im not a drug addict yet. that's what most kids do when they get bored and stuff..not me. i dunno why. i guess its the morals. damn morals. im bored. if it weren;t for them i'd not be as bored. oh well. i think they'll be here for awhile so i guess i better get used to them. sigh....bored. gonna read or something. 107 days until WARPED TOUR!!!!!!!! yes!!!!!
this IS A.D.D.
so I'm bored. I refuse to read Frankenstein because it is boring. I read sparknotes. so i think i'll be able to wing it. maybe i'll peruse it later. meh. i just don't care anymore. well, not about this book anyway. i'm looking forward to Waiting For Godot and The Stranger...my type of books. Bah to Frankenstein!!
I'm avoiding my calculus homework because I don't understand it. I got a 97 on my last test in there so I think I can afford to not do absolutely fabulous on this one. I think that's why my grades aren't as high as some peoples. Because I only apply myself just enough to do well and then I get bored and do something I like. Like reading Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead instead of doing my calculus and english homework. Or harping on existentialism and The Sound and the Fury instead of finishing our research paper. Or avoiding all my homework over spring break except my satire because I really enjoyed doing it. Or never doing any physics until the night before the test and then only spending like 15-20 minutes on it (not including of course the time it takes to do the hw problems)...Oh Wait....ahaa i totally forgot Sheffer pushed our calc test to mon. YAY!! i just remembered. wow. OK, that just made my night. YES.
ok im totally psyched about having no more hw this evening. well no more that im gonna do anyway...laziness. i have the ebony an ivory song stuck in my head.
eh0bo-ny aand iii-vo-ry...in peeer-fect haar-mo-nee!I choose to blame Pam. damn her blog!!! damn it.
If i were an animal I would want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle because I like pizza and turtles.
If someone were to ask me what I were think about right now right at this instant I would have to say "trees". which reminds me of caddy. and faulkner. and jill. and her test. hahah sucks to be in salyer's class!! bwa ha ha ha ha.
haven't heard from boston yet. beginning to get freaked out about rejection. feeling cold and lonely inside. oh happy place. mmmm warm and fuzzy.
oooh lalalala lalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala lalalala lalalalalalalalaoh oh ooohh 40' remain!i feel empty inside. this is new though. it's not empty emotionally. its empty mentally. i can't remember what a limit is. i don't know how to take the integral of a square root. i can't remember the fingering to high C. oh wait now i do. but i feel like my brain is totally empty and devoid of rational thoughts and i have no desire to work. i just want to lay on the couch like a blob...of ketchup. yes that would be good. ketchup is thick enough to hold its place but oozes easily when cajoled. if i were to be a condiment i would want to be ketchup. my brother and i discussed this at dinner. ketchup is not a food. its a condiment. i don't know what food i would want to be. not something really good because then i'd be eaten. maybe a nice brocoli souffle. yes. yes.
government was fun. we learned about how politicians get money and jess and aaron and i got to sit on the bean bags. yay. during calculus i decided the best textbook for napping is the class set os calc books scheffer stole. so soft. i want one. to sleep on.
physics test was really easy...i thought. everyone else thought it was hard. i was like mmmk. not that bad.
miss eyer loved my satire. she only read the last 4 pages or so but was laughing so hard at drag queen mathews. it was awesomeness. mary also loved it. she was barely understandable trying to talk about it later because of the laugter. and megan thought it was funny as well. i bet no other author has ever had her first 3 reviews on her first big work ever be so good. or his...or maybe they have...i hope langford doesn't count off too much for me making her a smoking caterpillar who gives alice mushrooms and has fireball eyes and wants people's souls. and is a demon. it was all in good fun. which reminds me i got a 94 on my c and p test. boo yah. so that again adds to my lack of frankenstein motivation.
if i could go to one time and place in the whole timeline of existence i would want to visit a nude coffeehouse in 17th century england.
bored. bored. bored. random thoughts...grass, sky, blue bird, tree, car, paper. my cell phone looks like death. i need a new one.
i don't wanna grow up.
i wanna be an air born ranger...(sung John Bender stlye)
off to read r and g. and maybe look at frankenstein if the mood suits me. doubtful.
i wanna be an air born ranger
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again"
ahh what a great elizabeth taylor quote...genius! amazing (said the mal way of course).
So I changed my blog template. the template name now has the word "tequila" in it. amazing
And I figured out how to put people's links on my blog. totally awesome!
and I officially have a prom date. bwahaha.
OK, so its thomas and hes a sophomore buts its all cool. we're friends and we're going as friends and he's gotten over his googly eyes star at me and stalk me phase. so we're good now. and we'll have fun. so thats exciting
and i dont feel like doing hw. so i think i'll go read rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. yay for senioritis.
OK...so I'm back from my spring break hiatus...and I'm ready to go!!! sort of...I just finished studying for my physics test tomorrow...sort of. I guess I'll have to look over it later. No hw for government and calc I guess would just be getting ahead on my hw for the test on thurs so i dont have to cram on wed.School today was most excellent. In French we watched Les Mis. great movie. And in band those of us who aren't going to corpus and those of who don't care (thereby encompassing the entire first row of flutes) just talked and joked and had fun the whole time. Especially at behrend's expense during his beginning of class lecture. it was most glorius. Now for the best part of the school day. English class. AMAING. We all read our original satires (well most of us did anyway) and langford brought us donuts and we ate and laughed the whole time. It was amazing. My personal favorite was The Rape of the Face Lock. Brandon you clever bastard. a ha ha ha. I thought mine turned out quite well. 16 pages of brilliance. I think I hit on just abiout every topic available to me. I made a list of what I satirized. I might put it on here. I'm not sure yet. Pam put her whole satire on her blog, which I though about doing, but then I decided not to because mine is just so damn long. but so good. a ha ha. I win.So the band trip is this weekend. And I'm not going. It will be an interesting thurs and fri band class no doubt. watching amy try to sneek out of class and then doing NOTHING. maybe I'll try and study for the UIL comp on saturday...mos def behind on my reading. I think this weekend is going to be most excellent. I talked to megan who's all excited about clubbing now that shes back from Italy (wholy crap...those kids are crazy...how they got away with what they did is beyond me...i salute them for their crafty evasion of authority and shun them for their sheer idiocy) so i think me and her and mary are gonna go clubbing sat night after the comp and by clubbing i mean dancing. I do not mean going out and drinking. just dancing and having fun. Just calm down there pam. hehe. i'm just kidding.
OK dinner time. Maybe i'll be back later if I get bored with calc...BWAHAHAHA
mmm st patricks day. fabulous. i look so good in green. and today's pat nixon's birtday!...assuming she's still alive. i think its ironic that she's irish, named pat, and born on st. patrick's day. i think its a conspiracy. so tomorrow's friday, very exciting. not too much in the way of school. physics quiz and lab, nothing hard. calc. probably boring but informative. and government. where we will be doing absolutely nothing. and then as soon as i get home from school we jump in the car and leave for florida! yay! won't be back entil late sunday night (sunday in like 9 days not 3). twill be an interesting break. we're brining the dog in the car with us...probably going to be rather eventful. i bet the car ride will go something like this:
mom: how was school today honey?
me: (doesn't answer because asleep)
mom: why are you ignoring me? (starts talking louder and shakes my leg until i wake up)
me: what?
mom: i asked you how school was and you ignored me.
me: i didn't ignore you, i was asleep!
mom: well somebody has an attitude problem! here i am trying to talk to you, and you're inconsiderate enough to sit there and sleep. fine then. if you're going to be that way i'm not going to talk to you. just go back to sleeping and tuning me out. close your eyes and miss all the beautiful scenery, you party pooper.
me: ok. (closes eyes, tries to go back to sleep)
car next to our car passes us. there are people in it.
max our dog sees people.
max: barkbarkabarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkabarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark
......for the next 217 miles.
needless to day it will be an interesting road trip.
i'm very excited that we get to write our original satires in english. i'll have to write mine on the trip, but thats ok. it will give me something to do. i think i;m doing an alice in wonderland parody of southlake, specifically focusing on insulting:
1. Dr. Mathews and the school board.
2. the snotty rich kids at our school who are fake and whorish.
3. the stupid kids at our school.
the teachers who teach nothing (i.e. all the regular teachers) or just give busy work (i.e. mrs. tyler)
4. behrends because he annoys me.
5. catty girls who wear too much makeup and do dumb things (like talk)
i'm not sure who else will be included in this fit of rage. but i am sure i will be able to encompass everyone. i think i might take a stab at all the conservative people who i don't like(6). and maybe the dumb bush supporters who support him for no reason (so thats 7). and....maybe bush and chenecy and kerry and the entire republicrats party. because i think they are stupid.
i'm not sure whether i want to focus mainly on southlake and put some political stuff in there too to emphasize southlake's groupthink theory of voting for political office or the opposite. or just have both in there. i think i'm going to do mainly southlake but when tweedledee and tweedledum tell the walrus story im going to put the politics into that. or maybe associate it with the dodo bird. oooh. and i need to put in the god squad (8). i most definately do not like them.
ok. i have to go write my english essay. and finish packing. and watch the OC. and maybe study for physics...haha yeah right. hmmm...looks to be a busy evening. by the way, for all you bachelors out there, i'm most definately dateless for prom...and if you're a guy and also dateless...well, we could kill two birds with one stone.
how many times a person can say fuck in their blog
i am so fucking pissed right now. my parents are fucking retards who are convinced that they know everything best and they have no fucking clue. they don't know who i am or what will make me happy. i don't even know why i fucking bother. they justy fucking aggrivate me and piss me off and make even more fucking stressful. they've decided i have to make a fucking filing system for my scholarship applications which are fucking worthless because i'm not going to get any of them anyway and my parents decided that if i don't use their fucking files they won't pay for my college. fucking pricks. i was like, fine then i won't go. so then they got mad and were like meh neh neh enh ehn. and i was like i fucking hate you. well not hate. but i was really fucking pissed because they were being fucktards. ugh. i'm just in a bad mood right now. not like my lovely depression of blogs past but pure, unadulterated anger and spite. rageous is the only word that can describe my current emotional state.
plus i'm really tired. i don't know why. i got like 8 hours of sleep last night but i could barely stay awake during class and then i was ridiculously tired this evening. plus frankenstein is painfully boring. the style isn't all that bad for the time period, but the story lacks drive and interestingness. and combined with my ADD, i have no hopes of ever finishing it. strangly though, i don't care. kind of nice.
and i am officially dateless for prom. nobody wants to go with me. i am a sad and pathetic old maid. i will die alone. a miserable old hag. my fate is sealed. i quit. i give up. i cannot change the inevitable. i will just have to get used to it. besides, when im alone and its quiet, i can hear the voices in my head better. yay...
i feel so...southlake
wow. amazing day. well actually amazing afternoon. the morning was just ok. woke up at 7 and went to the pancake breakfast. sometimes boring sometimes fun. got home around noon. sat with my mom and some of her friends. lunch. layed outside for about half an hour to lessen the albinoness. i am still almost totally white except my face is a little redder and my arms darkened significantly. they turn so much darker than the rest of me. then the southlake part of the day. went to get my nails done for the fashion show tomorrow. most amazing, relaxing 2 hours ever. i can't even remember the last time i felt this relaxed and at ease. twas a great time.
today is my philanthropic weekend. today i worked at the pancake breakfast for Rhoda (we made like $1000 dollars) and tomorrow i'll be in the fashion show. totally southlake: getting pampered and doing community service hours. and ignoring my homework and scholarship apps. tonight my mom's going out with her friend from out of town so it'll just be me and my dad. maybe we'll go out for dinner and watch a movie. or maybe we'll do absolutely nothing. mmmm southlake.
"I'm not like anyone...I'm me"
hmm an interesting day. and week. lets see. tues i had my physics test. made a 94. exciting. wed i had my terry costa fitting. found my prom dress. another plus. thursday i had the govt test. i think it went ok. and then i went to my brother percussion concert. today i hung out with nia all afternoon and then i watched Cleopatra. again. i know. im obsessed with that movie. its just so good. its sad though. they just don't make movies like that anymore. its very upsetting. makes me feel sad and empty inside. just like last time. though not as much. i was most amazed when i watched it today by Antony and Octavian. I hadn't realized what a good job the actor who played Octavian did. it was amazing. and of course richard burton kicks ass. as always. brilliant man.
Octavian says this thing when antony dies. its something like..."is that how one says it? antony is dead. Antony is dead. The soup is hot. the soup is cold. antony is alive, antony is dead." I think its a fabulous quote. really epitomizes the existentialism in the movie. the idea that all of these people-caesar, antony, octavian, and cleopatra- are all trying to live their life correctly, trying to be great, trying to be remembered. they're trying to create empires, become immortal, and yet give their life meaning through love, honor, and legacy. quite a feat to juggle. i guess i'll just have to settle for the meaning part. i don't really feel like creating a world empire and being known as a brilliant political person who toppled and created empires. i'm just too nice. and i don't believe in war or fighting. kind of puts a damper on my possibilities for empire and conquest. but im not upset. i'll live. its the meaning i'm having problems with. when i die i want people to say "she lived a full life". she did great things. not great as in big and powerful but great as in meaningful and good. i think that would make it all worth while. not that creating and running your own empire wouldn't be great. i just don't think i have enough hubris or ambition to pull it off. and i have far too many morals to be the leader of a country.
Is it possible to be a complete individual and yet still be accepted by society? that is to say, is it possible to be an individual who goes against society's standards etc and emerge victorious in your lifetime? i wonder.
I've decided I want to see all of the good elizabeth taylor movies: national velvet, cat on a hot tin roof, a place in the sun, butterfield 8, who's afraid of virginia woolf, suddenly last summer, giant, raintree county, and possibly the last time i saw paris. quite a list, but i've always contended that any of the old classic movies are worth the effort to track down and watch. and from what i've heard, these are some of them. i also want to see some of the old paul newman, katherine hepburn, james stewert, and carey grant movies. and vivian leigh. and laurence olivier. and richard burton. oh they're all such great actors and actresses. its really upsetting to watch some of these old great movies and realize that ones like that will never be made again because the studios are running out of great scripts and great talents. the golden age of hollywood is over. its been over for awhile, but only when you look back and see the greatness do you realize how far we've fallen in our tastes and talents. i mean, i remember my grandmother always used to say that. she'd say, they just don't make movies like they used to. and i figured that was just her not liking the new movies. but its true. the oldies are better. its very upsetting that there are hardly any great talents left. annette benning is one. and nicole kidman when the mood suits her. and sometimes renee zellweger.; they're all talented, but only annette has the grace and poise of the olden days. and uma thurman is good, but shes too modern to be great. the guys are lacking; there are some good actors, but none of them are amazing or brillliant. there are no more paul newmans, carey grants, montgomery clifts, and richard burtons. makes me sad.
well enough wallowing in the decline of movie talent. time for bed. have to be at interact around 7:30 tomorrow. actually 7. i'm just lazy. bah.
btw, the title quote is elizabeth taylor in butterfield 8.
"There are never enough hours in the days of a queen, and her nights have too many"
Ahh darkness. enveloping and surrounding. all quieting. powerful. honest. why is it that only at night one begins to face the fears, doubts, uncertanties, problems? why is it only at night the one's head is clearest, her thoughts most precise and bold, without fear or doubt or reason. all things are solved at night, but with the first sunrise brings rusing back inhibitions and self doubts. society with its judgements and standards dictates one's thoughts throughout the day, what is proper and what is not. what can be said and what are the sacred taboos. all of this dictated by society and those around us.
some people speak their mind, but no one really ever truely speaks her mind. its unacceptable. i have been known to speak my mind more than hold my tongue, but the very fact that i do hold my tongue means i am not truely speaking my mind. why is it that light and society can squash dreams and ambitions? why must people bow to the doubt that day brings? why is it only at night that people can be honest with themselves after lying all day? How do people live this way, this dual personality, the real and the mask? i dont know. its strange. only at night, when alone in the dark, is anyone ever truly honest with him/herself. only when no one else is there can people truly look through the haze and see thr truth.
maybe thats what true love really is. a connection with someone who you can have these thoughts with. a person you feel comfortable enough around to share these insecurities and self doubts. a person to whom you can verbalize these nightly discoveries and revelations. a person who can understand another's true self and being unadulterated by society and doubt, pure and true.
why is it that we feel the need to confide all of our thoughts and secrets on an electronic diary for the world to read? and how do these people read our words? are they read as they were meant to be? as they sound when they pass through our head, as they sound when read aloud? one's tone, stresses on certain words and phrases, the look on one's face: all of these things emphasize meaning during a conversation. but when we type, our words sometimes lose the emotion, they aren't read the way they were meant to be read, interpreted as they should be. their meanings are twisted and they don't sound right. ideally people will read this blog with the correct stresses, the correct tone, the correct pauses. this way of reading dictates whether the passage is interpreted philosophically, dramatically, satirically, literally, etc etc. strange how the way one makes one's thoughts known is the ultimate decider in how her words are inerpreted. it ultimately decides how she will be remembered and what for. interesting.
i guess im really philospphical tonight because i wasted my entire afternoon watching Cleopatra, which i taped this morning. i say wasted in the sense that i didn't study for my physics test, do my government reading, or my calculus quizzes. i don't believe the movie itself was a waste of time, though im probably mature enough to have known better and waited until a more oppurtune moment to watch it. at any rate, the movie is fabulous. its so incredible to watch the characters develop; it really paralleled the revelations all people make regarding this or that. in this movie it was death and love. what was more important, having love or having a memory and legacy after death so that one may live forever? and what is love? and petty politics and wars seem in comparison to the magnanamous subjects of death, love, and honor. Cleopatra spends most of the movie striving for greatness; her ambition for a great empire that encompased the entire world and therefore brought prosperity and peace to all and more honor and respect to her became absolutely nothing when she realized how deeply she loved Marc Antony. because, she realized, love is what makes the dream worth having, the goal worth realizing, life worth living. to find that one person who can be the meaning in life, who can be the passion and emotion that defines life itself.
can such a thing exist in our society today?
i wonder. and i hope. and i dream. and i am often disappointed. and yet i continue to hope. why? what is that thing inside all humans that causes us to chase after ridiculous dreams and temporarily throw away reason in order to satisfy some stupid emotion? what makes us stop thinking completely and give all of ourselves to a single moment that we know beforehand will only result in defeat, anger, and sadness. what is that thing inside that makes us hope and dream with or without failure? what is it that causes us to act the way we do, with no regard for common sense or reason or truth, drunk with hope. i wonder. why?
i need a reason to keep hoping. because reason and common sense have become stronger as the defeats keep mounting. my fire is dying out. im losing my grip on reality; is it really possible to be so moved by a single movie? one single movie that grabs you and pulls you into it and than throws you out, and you feel powerful and weak at the same time, happy and yet completely confused. and you're ok. but then you go back to reality. back to the bland banalness of your life. and you see the nothingness. because it is dark outside. and during the dark, you see all the truths of your life and of the world unraveled at your feet, waiting. waiting for what? for you to take them and use them and throw of the shadow cast by society. and yet they still wait. they hope. they dream.
and they are disappointed.
RAGEOUS!!!
ok i am so completely pissed at my computer right now. I just got an e-mail back from my Trin person (yay!) and I went to write her back and I wrote this really fun and witty e-mail. and it was really long. and i went to send it and Verizon was like "oh session invalid. timed out. re login". so of course when I did that the e-mail was gone because the Verizon server apparently times out without telling you. ARGHHH!! I am so incredibly mad because that e-mail took me awhile to write and then it was gone in like 2 seconds flat. RAR!!! i am incredibly rageous right now.
i guess its good that im rageous though. after school today i discovered my detachment had reattached itself. I was fine during school. Kind of out of it during band. A little detached during physics but nothing big because i usually feel really out of it during that class. I have no idea what i was feeling during calculus because i was completely in my little testing zone. I was totally focused and have no idea what was going on around me. somebody could have died and i would not have known. Then government was...nothing really. we have about 1/2 an hour of notes and then we talked played revolution for the rest of class. ahh haha. i love that class. but then when I got home, i was like bleh. its back. i'll have to watch Pulp Fiction again haha.
So lunch today was great. I was talking to Jillian and Salyer. Jill's running for Jr. Class VP (juniors out there, vote Jill!) and she's come up with the most brilliant idea for a a campaign video. she's doing the Nu Ma Nu Ma song just like the fat guy did. She's gonna lip sync it and everything. it will be so awesome. And then we talked about The Sound and the Fury. my 2nd favorite book ever (Grendel is most definately first). It was a deep conversation. I always enjoy those. I feel like going to a Starbucks, getting some coffee, and pondering life's great mysteries. But i think i have to go help with dinner right now. maybe i'll Pam and I can go there tomorrow while we're doing our govt project. We can do the research and then go there to make the handout. or we can just go there to celebrate being done. yay.
We got the best 3rd party for our project. Its the Creator's Rights Party. hahaha. They are totally nuts. I love it. I dont agree with anything they think/say/do, but they make me laugh. so much. ahahahaha. and my mom and i have to shopping tomorrow for Sr Pic clothes. Heath and I are going to go see Be Cool tomorrow night. I'm so excited. John Travolta and Uma Thurman reunited! there's even another dance scene. i'm so stoked. then Sunday i have NCL all afternoon and I have a ton of hw. Study for my physics test, do french, do Paradise Lost reading and questions, Govt project and reading for quiz. hmm i think thats it. Busy weekend. and American Dreams has been moved to Wednesday. ARGH! Im very upset about this because that means that my shows are now on tues, wed thurs. That's prime HW time for teacher; i used to have Tues Thurs Sun. There was time to do my HW the next day or whatev. now i have no break. eh. i'll just stop doing hw. or i'll tape the shows. meh.
so i found out Cleopatra is going to be on TV again. I am so excited because I am now obsessed with that movie. So addicting. I'm going to see the whole thing. Its on during school but I am going to record it and keep it and love it forever. IT WILL BE MINE. BWAHAHAHA. wow that sounded a little strange. but its true. i am as obsessed with thios movie as khaki and I are with the fact that Pat Nixon was born on St Patrick's Day. which reminds me i need to do some more UIL reading and go through all the practice tests and papers ms. gray gave me. i'll def be doing that over spring break but i need not procrastinate. OK. I'm done. I'm all blogged out.
