caffeine highs, coffee shops, shades of grey

i love shakespeare

i feel very strange. i don't know why or even how to describe it. just this strange feeling, as if something isn't quite right. not with me. but with like...the world or something. i don't know. i think it started when i woke up this morning. i just had this feeling. i was sitting there looking over some last minute stuff for the UIL competition today and i just had this weird feeling. i still do. and i don't know why. well, actually i know why its more noticable now, because i just finished watching the manchurian candidate with my parents. good movie. kind of creepy. i already saw it when it was in theatres and i remember that afterwards kristin and i were like... totally freaked out. i wouldn't recomend watching it at night because its one of those movies where you shouldn't be in the dark after you watch it. *shudders*. so i feel like i did then. kinda like something isn't right and there needs to be light. but see, i can't say its because of this movie because i felt like this when i woke up this morning. just not quite as defined. so i guess its like the movie just magnified things i was already feeling to the point where i could recognize them. sort of.

anyway, i don't know why i feel this. its as if something, somewhere, has gone horribly horribly wrong. like really bad. and i know something bad happened. to someone. somewhere. or something somewhere. but i just don't know what. its like the universe it out of wack. something's not aligned right. thats what it feels like. but i don't know why i'm feeling this. its kinda creepy. you ever get those eerie feelings, like somethings not quite right? but this is diferent. its like that, but it feels like its on a bigger scale. i don't remember what happened the last time i felt this. i don't think anything was horribly out of wack. ooh. it was in the fall. maybe it was me having forboding feelings about the election. and bush winning. and therefore throwing the universe out of wack!! or maybe just bush winning. hahaha. i doubt it. i don't know whats going on. i just know that something's not right.

i could look at the news but that won't help because they're always talking about some ridiculous tragedy that happened. i hate the news. they've gone just a bit too far with their fear agenda. it makes me rageous. so i boycott them and don't watch the news and aviod the tragedy articles. i'll skim them, sure, but i don't usually pay too much attention to them because i've some immune. too much tragedy makes the tragedies cease to be tragic. creates cynicism among the educated and fear among the ignorant. so i'm rather cynical when it comes to the news. bastards.

hmmm. the feeling has lessened. still there but less prominent. wow. this feeling is a fascinating. as am i for analyzing it like this. some people would just freak out if they got a feeling like this and go to the fortune teller and do all sorts of crazy stuff. other people would just ignore it. and others would become increasingly paranoid until the feeling went away. it would just get worse and worse until it never went away and then they would go crazy. but see me, i'm analyzing it. i'm like hhmm i feel like this. oh i wonder why. oh well that's very interesting. oh wait now i feel like this. a facsinating discovery! i'm so methodical. very strange. and see now i'm doing it again. i just analyze the problem and try to come up with a solution. if that doesn't work i'm just like oh ok that didn't work, oh well too bad next problem. i'm so weird. there is no doubt in my mind. that's he only conclusion i've come to. oh that's it! i'm wrong. i'm out of wack. crazy. well i'm glad that's settled. figured out whats wrong with the universe, it's me!!! totally out of wack. but not anymore. i'm back to normal now. i wonder what causes that, those feelings of out of wackness. i dunno. its crazy. it's a crazy world. maybe that's what the end of the world is like. everybody becomes out of wack at the exact same time. and then, KABLAM. the universe implodes. and then it all starts over again.

obviously the chances, mathematically, of that happening, are almost non existant. but statistically of course, it has to happen at some point. like the monkeys on the typewriter thing. you take one hundred monkeys and give them typewriters and they just bang away on the typewriters for all of eternity, they will, eventually, at some point, write down the entire works of shakespeare. it might take them awhile to get there, typing meaningless nonsense and all. but eventually, at some point, they MUST be able to do that. in all the meanlingless blather, there is that one instant of perfection. one moment where everything is the same, where everything makes sense. where everyone is synchronized to the same frequency at the exact same time. maybe that's when the universe implodes. when that single moment of perfection is reached. and then it goes back to blather until that next instance in time. for in an infinite amount of time, perfection can be achieved over and over and over again, an infinite amount of times. but maybe, in the time of...everything, it can only be achieved once. and once that happens, time/life/supernatural power/whatever is like oh ok, did that. next! and goes and does something else. maybe the entire purpose of the human race, the earth, the sun, the moon, the solar system, universe, everything, is to achieve that one moment of syncronization, of perfection, the shakespeare of life. or maybe i'm just crazy. hmm. interesting to think about. don't think about it too hard though. it'll drive you crazy. you WILL go insane. so just don't think about it. because we can't comprehend it. we weren't meant to, i don't think.

hmm. i'm going to stop thinking about it and go have a bowl of ice cream. and then read some of frankenstein which sucks. a lot. i hate it. lalalalala. i hate school. lalalala. i don't want to read it. i want to read something else. i cannot wait for thursday when we get to start Waiting for Godot. kicks frankenstein's ass back to least wednesday. score.

posted by kellyisdelightful @ 10:48 PM