american beauty
well ironically i get on here to update and there's a lovely comment from heather telling me i need a new entry. you people are so impatient.i just finished watching American-the most fucking awesome movie ever- Beauty. wow. talk about deep. i dont think my parents got it. it ended and i was just in awe over the brilliance of the film and my parents were like well that was a bad movie. and i was like hmmm no you just didn't get it. sad really. it has a good message relating to the beauty of life even though it can be meaningless and nothing. its still amazing. its still beautiful. its still possible to enjoy it. very optimistic. i realize i can be very cynical sometimes. some people get the wrong idea and think i'm cynical about everything. im not really. im cynical more about humanity and america and the government than anything else. im really quite optimistic about things that matter. about human relationships (with each other, with the environment, between countries, lovers, friends, etc etc), about the meaning of life, about the hope for meaning in a world that is sometimes nothing. i see that hope, that goodness. because i see the beauty in life. the beauty in living it and finding some sort of meaning thats makes it beautiful and worth it. things like relaxing and being pampered. like looking across the room at someone and having them look back and know what they're thinking. like driving with the windows down and the radio at full blast. like doing something that makes you smile. hanging around people who you can be yourself with. going to a play in the park at night night when its amazing weather, amazing acting, good company, and good times. sweating about some small and insignificant things (prom, ap tests, makeup, clothes) and letting other things go (french class, clothes, makeup). staying up and talking to someone while everyone around you is asleep and connecting with them a totally honest, intellectual, moral, level and not only understanding them but having them understand you and then later, when everything is back to reality and people are awake and you're in school, you look over at them and they look at you and smile. and you might not talk a whole lot, and sometimes you don't say anything at all, but its there. and you both know it. even when you're not saying anything and everyone around you is talking, you just kind of look at each other and connect. its the most amazing feeling in the world. i hope i find that feeling again in the future with someone because our paths are so divergent right now that i wonder if, after graduation, if we'll ever see each other again. doubtful. it makes me sad. but something as beautiful as this...im lucky to have found it once in my life. some people never find it. thats generally what i consider southlake to be. a town full of lost souls, blind to the beauty of nature and life, attempting to find happiness in materialism and ugliness, blind themselves to the harsh reality that they can't see or understand the beauty around them. so they try and numb themselves. to the ugliness of their lives. right now, i can see the beauty of my life. tomorrow maybe i won't. or maybe i will. but the point is i see it now. i know its there. and i will try to keep it there as long as possible. this realization. this knowledge of beauty. god i love that movie.
last night jill and i went to see rozencrantz and guildenstern are dead. fucking amazing. i love that play. it was at an outdoor theatre in a park in dallas. it was really small and the audience like, sits on stage. it was so cool. and the night was amazing (the weather i mean). it was just one of those nights where you want to go lay in the grass and stay there all night staring at the stars because its so beautiful. the city itself was alive. i mean, we weren't in the downtown area, but its nights like those that remind me of st louis. of the beauty of that city. god. its so amazing. boston is beautiful too but in its own way. not like st louis. dallas, last night, was beautiful in the way st louis is. i hope fort worth holds that same beauty in it. that natural beauty, fusing of trees and highways, and skyscrapers and parks and the stars and the wind and the smells of everything.
i hope next year i can find beauty in where i am. otherwise the world will become ugly and bleak. and life sometimes is. but deep down, beneath the death and depression and ugliness and stress and hatred and differentness, there is a beauty. do you see it?
posted by kellyisdelightful @ 11:20 PM
1 Comments:
yea, I am glad that you finally saw American Beauty, and yes, it rules!
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