She's back. How good for YOU
Is life all it seems? Is living in ignorance better than knowing? Knowing about death and cruelty and violence and all that real stuff, that negative stuff that permeates our existence and is hidden from us from birth and then suddenly revealed when we are older. People wonder why teenage suicide rates are so high (no I’m not suicidal, I’m just saying, societal cause and effect) when they brainwash our youth to believe everything is find and dandy and happy and good and we love and help all when people’s homes are being blown apart by our military and others are starving to death because of an incompetent government we put into place and then did not correctly support or think through. Famine, disease, cruelty. They infect our world. As children we are brainwashed to not know about them. Why? It just makes it harder when we find out. And then, when we find out all that happiness was superficial and fake, we become so suspicious of happiness. How do you know when it’s real and when it’s a superficial fantasy, either imposed by your own doing or by outside forces you gratefully let in to numb you?
Those of us who went through the “sex and death, doom and gloom” we are better people in some ways. We know the truth, we are educated and know how to think for ourselves, and have broken free of that mold we were forced into as children. But what now? How do we incorporate this into our lives without becoming bitter pessimists who can only see the negative and bad?
How do we learn to combine the blissful blanket truth with the truth of cruelty and human drama?Hello Deep Thinking Kelly. I've missed you. I hope we talk more often.
bah to BAH!
So Ragged Dick is an easy read but not great. I don't like the story or the messages that much. I think it petty and insignificant. Not to the study of the American Dream but to life in general. Eh. I want to finish Everything is Illuminated but have no time. I will try to find some this weekend. I have a lot to read. My Latin American Civ reading is interesting. Western Civ is repetative (the book we have to read about how the Spanish treated the Indians because it can be summarized in 10 pages but is 130 and just repeats=not so cool). I wrote a lot about A Midsummer Night's Dream in the library today after class because my brain was on and it was awesome. I felt smart. Or at least able to think. Which is good. Drama has seeped its way into my life again. Had to help Alex and Sarah settle boy troubles. That was interesting. Talked to Kate for like an hour and a half instead of doing homework. We were being crafty as always. It was lovely. Operation BAH! (later named by Alex and Sarah and I) is underway sort of. Has some kinks that need to be worked out. Shall figure this out later. Shit. Just kind of had to figure this out now. AHHHHH. Hate the nerves. Stupid stupid stupid. Going to read and sleep. And freak out. Fuck.
procrastinating work, as usual
I need to update more.French sucks. Duh. What else is new.I like A Midsummer Night's Dream a lot more than I thought I would because I found some classic Shakespearean nihlism and have decided that this play should be categorized as a Tragedy rather than a comedy. You Langford alums should read it sometime with this in mind. It's deeper than it seems. Je l'aime.We watched the Virgin Suicides last night. It was fabulous. It's been awhile since I watched it with someone who hasn't seen it before and it was so funny because the movie is really quite hilarious up to the last 10 minutes and then everyone's like oh. That's not funny. Which was funny (their reactions, not the movie, suicide is not funny).We're going dancing at this normally 21+ club on Sunday which is 18+ on Sundays and we are uber excited. Which reminds me I need to call them back and double check. Because we all went club shirt shopping last night (mine was $15. I rule for sure) and it would super suck if they did were not though I called them yesterday (I think...I called one of two and I'm pretty sure it was this one) and I just got smart and looked up their number and checked my phone and it was them psha I rule.We're starting Ragged Dick in American Dream class. Not too excited. But next week is Gatsby. woo hoo!Six million pages to read. And laundry. And exercising. And maybe room cleaning. Maybe Bowling for Soup tonight but they are sold out. Perhaps there will be extra at the door, so we are going to check it out I think. I really wanted to go, but I have a lot of work to do and kind of want to do that as I am going out tomorrow night. You know, I think that's what I'm going to do. Sounds loserish, but I'd rather not be behind in my reading. Too early in the semester. blah. OK, going to attack a mountain of reading and researching and running and laundry (oooo so much laundry...maybe tomorrow...msut stop procrastinating that...muuuuuussst). Blah.To quote a Midsummer Night's Dream:"Are you sureThat we are awake? It seems to meThat yet we sleep, we dream"[IV.i.192-4].Is love really an illusion that blinds you to someone's faults? Is it truly nothing more than a projection of a fantasy on to a person of choice? Nothing more than a superficial dream we create for ourselves?
60s Rock Rocks
1. Classes are all right. Western Civ is the best ever. Concert Band kind of sucks but whatever. Shakespeare I think will get better, but hard to say.
2. I brought my record player to the dorm rule. Moncrief 316 now rocks. Literally.
3. I like Tommy by The Who. Good record.
4. Which reminds me of Almost Famous. GOOD movie.
5. Much reading to do.
6. Laundry tomorrow.
7. Movie at the Modern tonight (Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic...I think I was born to see this movie) and then dinner somewhere. Downtown maybe.
8. Diet Coke addiction has returned complete with drowsiness and headaches.
9. Had fajitas with family for lunch. Yum.
10. Trojan viruses suck. This thing is literally impossible to remove from the computer. But at least I finally found a program that stops it from functioning. So it just sits there, doing nothing, but not leaving.
11. I love Office Space. Especially Milton. "OK, but I could write your country's board of tourism and have this place condemned, there was salt on the glass, huge rocks of salt..."
12. Must go read and turn over Tommy. Side B awaits my listening pleasure. I wish I had lived in teh 60s. That would have been SO cool. So cool.
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Back at TCU. Had my American Dream class this morning. Sounds interesting. Eh. It's weird being back at school without Chloe and Shannon. Hung out with Alex, Alicia and Kate last night. Lots of fun. Potbelly's has the best sandwiches. OK that's a lie, because Baker Brothers is better. But they have the best ones by TCU. OK. 3 hours until Latin American Civ. Need to run errands and go to the bank and get groceries and shampoos and such. And COFFEE for my new coffee maker. Yum yum. And eat lunch at some point. Hmmmmm. Maybe reading in the library? Because I don't have enough stuff to read without my deciding to read for fun. wheeeeeeeee.
Lars Petrus has nothing on me...or he won't in the future
So, I got a Rubick's Cube today. Probably the bext investment of time and money ever. I've been Rubicksing for about 3 hours today. Out of the Seven Steps/Hints to solving it, I've correctly accomplished the first 2 twice and incorrectly accomplished them approximately 4 times. I have messed up step three 3 times. I am determined to solve this thing before I go back to school. And at some point in my life with out the guide. I made beef stroganoff for dinner last night. I am a domestic failure and will surely cause my husband to divorce me due to lack of cooking ability. Luckily the recipe we used was not particular regarding quantities or the order things were done, despite what it said. Because otherwise it would not taste right. Which it pretty much does. Though the teaspoon vs. tablespoon issue (which was my mom not me I might add) did change it quite dramatically. I now own Season Three of Friends, my favorite season that I've wanted to own for the past few years. I rule!Sonic night starts in 19 minutes. This is exciting. Afterwards, my plastic nemesis awaits.*EDIT at 2:15 pm on January 12 2006* YOU LOSE RUBIKS CUBE!!
GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!!!
LD's party last night was fun. The Family Stone is a good movie. As is Drop Dead Gorgeous. Saw Mal at Town Square today. We talked and walked. It was nice. I miss talking to her. Said good bye to Dave. Watched The Goonies. Amazing. Tommorrow is the Modern and The Squid and the Whale. Exciting. I'm currently reading like 7 books at once because I have to worst book ADD ever. Should probably work on that.My brother and I hung out some today. We were gonna go to the movies but THEN The Goonies was on and that was lovely. I then I beat him at GoldenEye bwa ha ha I rule. I Heart Friends. Quote of the Day:"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool." -Lester Bangs, Almost FamousConsiderations for grad school: Berkeley. Wash U. UNC. Columbia. BU. McGill. And some others that are, you know, affordable. And attainable. I think about the future and past too much sometimes. I need to live in the now. It's hard though. Sometimes I don't like the now. It's hard to choose between what is easy and what is right. Movies I want to watch/own:Royal TenenbaumsThe Life Aquatic With Steve ZissouThe HoursThe wind is howling outside. I'm glad I'm not a plant. I would probably get tired of getting blown around and just let go of the ground and that would suck because then I would blow away and die. whoops. GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!
rat vomit is like corporate ethics
So today Thursday. Tomorrow is LD's party. Yesterday was Dave's. It was fun. I lost at bowling. But Matt and I eventually won at Trivial Pursuit. And learned some interesting and unhelpful facts, such as rats can't vomit, making it easier to poison them. Also, the highest city in the world is in Tibet. I forgot its name. Starts with an "L". meh. Gave Miss Eyer the Interact flag back yesterday and we talked and it was nice and she's moving= :( but :) because grad school so yay for miss eyer. oooh talked to Mrs. Eyer on Miss Eyer's cellular device (she called, I'm not a weird stalker, I promise). Going to see Langford on Fri perhaps because she was sick to day. I was thinking about death the other day. It was sad and kind of depressing. Like...it really just hit me that I only have like...what, about 70 years left of my life. That's creepy man. Don't think about it. Too weird. And creepy. I talked to my friend Alex yesterday who proposed a road trip over Spring Break to either St. Louis or New Orleans. Although I still have to talk to the parental unit I am SO planning on going. McSweeneys has become slightly boring as of late. Not laugh out loud funny as they sometimes are. Like when they had the article about Grendel's mother and I almost fell over and died. Good times. Ummmm what am I going to do with my day hmmmm. Go shopping I think. Maybe get some new sunglasses and shirts. Because I love my aviators but I need some others. Its time. Speaking of time I need to take off my Fat Maggi bracelet. But now I'm just kind of wondering when it will fall off by itself. Its been on for six months so far, so apparently never. No OC tonight= :(IMing CHLOE NOW!!! wheeee how I miss that girl. and now, because this is a great story, I am putting it on my blog. Chloe get to New Orleans and:AStrangersAngel2: so my mom flew over with me, and literally dropped me off on the side of the curb with all my stuff.AStrangersAngel2: because she was late for a deposition. haha, talk about a classic patty maneuver.hahahaha Chloe. What a wonderous person.
when all words fail she speaks, her mix tape's a masterpiece
I'm back. Canada was awesome. New Year's was fun. Kate's surprise party was way rad. Tring reunion nice and funny. I'm 19. It's weird. Life is flying by. I feel odd. Like lately I've occasionaly been misplacing myself. Sometimes people feel they've lost who they are and have to go find themself again right? Well I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about I was and wanted to be and such in high school and finally discovered it my senior year. When I went to college I initially had kind of lost it but found it again by the end of September. Since break started though (but not in Canada) I occasionally feel like I'm not myself. It's weird. Like I've temporarilly misplaced who I really am. New Year's was a good example of that and its a feeling I don't wish to have anymore. ever. I don't like temporarily losing my sense of self. I want to go back to school but miss Chloe and Shannon. I need to call Alex and Leslie and catch up as I have not talked to them since finals week. When I go on Wednesday to give Miss Eyer the flag I feel the need to tell her this. I don't know why. I hope she's not sad anymore.
